Music and Me

So my baby sis’ died in 2002…..[I will blog about that later]. The buildup to my wedding was the first time I really missed her in many years. When she died something in me died and to be honest I didn’t even realize it up until recently.

Growing up I was a music person; my mother made us sing all the time. She would make my sisters and I harmonize music in the car while she would drive. One of my favourite child hood memories is my mom driving to Jos from Port-Harcourt for the Christmas holidays with all of us (her daughters)in the car, late at night singing. I remember looking at the moon that day and asking her why it was following us. Alas Nigeria is so unsafe these days….(story for another day).

So I was a music person… I knew loads of songs, we watched MTV all the time and we would dance, mime and even attempted performing in church one time (the pastor said I didn’t cover my head..hahah!). Anyways, we were constantly singing in my house and even in secondary school one of the things I did with all my heart was sing and I am not an excellent singer but back then I could hold my own. My soprano pitch was quite beautiful. It’s quite horrible these days I haven’t sang properly in 18 years.

The things is when my sister died after mourning and all … I always assumed I was fine. I didn’t even notice I had stopped singing till I reconnected with some people from secondary school on facebook and one of them asked “Ori do you still sing?” even then it didn’t register.

My friend reading the facebook message with me (Do y’all remember those days of all night browsing at cyber cafes; before smart phones existed…sigh)… actually asked me “Did you sing in secondary school? How come you never mentioned it?” To be honest I just shrugged and said something I no longer remember. That was the first time somebody mentioned it. this was five years after she passed.

In 2019 after my husband came home from being kidnapped (story for another day) we were just talking and its like the trauma of that experience re-opened a closed vault. I was swirling with emotions.

I remember I said to him that I just realized that after my sister died I never really listened to music or sang anymore. To some people it would seem like “but you do”… however in comparison to how I was as a younger person, it doesn’t come close. I would sing along and all but I never went out of my way to buy music as such … once in a while I would have a short burst of interest but within days I would be fed up.

It’s funny that even now I prefer to drive in silence. I hardly listen (once in a while I play sermons) to anything especially when I am alone. With others in the car I listen to whatever they want.

Looking back maybe it is because she and I sang and danced a lot together. I am not a shrink so I do not know for sure but I guess in a way by shutting down music I tried to deal with the grief of her death.

I love you sis now and always and I miss you badly and I know one day we will sing together in Heaven.






4 thoughts on “Music and Me

  1. Pingback: My Maid of Honour
  2. We all deal with grief differently. I’m learning to deal with mine, lost my best friend in December 2019. I’m still in shock, denial, hope, dream….I don’t even know.

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