Ten Times I was the Toxic Friend

Hello, How you doing? Just thought I should ask.

So, a few days ago I was reading an article on xonecole.com “ten signs you’ve got a close toxic friend” and from the title you can see what it was addressing . As expected I proceeded to read the article and quickly started placing labels in my mind on different people and as is common with our generation commenced “cancellation“. However, as I read on I realized I had at some point deliberately and not, done almost everything on that list and so I decided to write about all the times I was the toxic friend. Hopefully I still have friends after this. So these are the points raised in the article and this is me telling you all the times I have been guilty of toxicity.

  1. Self absorbed spoiled Brat: This I have been several times in my life. If you haven’t thrown a tantrum for you boyfriend . sis!? what u doin’? Okay I’m not advocating for unnecessary drama but yeah I’ve been that girl crying because my popcorn finished before a movie ended.
  2. Manipulative: Have I been a manipulative friend? I don’t know is dodging work and making ur “friend”  do it manipulation? I don’t think so “feigns ignorance”. Have I made faces because I didn’t want to sweep the house?,  Have I manipulated my friend to make beans, buy me sharwarma  and pay my flight ticket for me….. Yeah and everyone needs those kinda friends.  If that makes me a toxic friend I can take it.
  3. Never wrong: How can I be wrong “me all fearfully and wonderfully made” I can never be wrong. Have you seen how right I am?I am like sooo right  And how can I be a toxic friend ?I’m sweethhh…. Plus  I’m never wrong hence I am right… u dig?
  4. Competitor/Copier: So one time an old friend posted a nice write up on Facebook. It was a religious poetic write-up. Jeez!!…. It was so well done and thought out and instead of being a good friend and going Yass!! or Go girl! No instead jealous, competitive me wanted my own accolades and had to write my own Inspirational sth,… tsktsktsk…If only she knew …. shed have dumped me since……….as u can guess she doesn’t know or I hope she doesn’t anyway,  cos many times when you do stuff and you think people don’t know, Girl!  they do ha!ha!!    So, but I wrote my own fake ass “heartfelt letter to God” … and I got my own ” aww so sweet” ” You’re such an inspiration”  social media comments . Jeez the unnecessary rivalry was real. Poor girl didn’t even know we were in competition. Thank God I’ve changed social media is a beast… it can kill. Don’t be a murderer….  
  5. Shady: Yeah I have been shady . There is one of my old friends whose boyfriend I didn’t like then. I didn’t feel he was worthy of her and as expected I gossiped about him behind her back….. (all of you have done it). In fairness to me the one and only time I told her just a little about what I thought of him she didn’t talk to me for 3 weeks so…. Anyways as expected he cheated and broke up with her. I didn’t need to say “I told you so’ she already knew what i thought…… so you see, I wasn’t toxic I was trying to be a soothing balm everyone needs a friend like me.
  6. Didn’t honour Girl code: This one!!!!  I am ashamed to say,  chai! the things men make us do……  but anyways to my utmost shame, embarassement, shame, more shames,,,,,…… I dated the ex-boyfriend of one of my closest friends. GIRLS DON”T DO IT!!! DON’T!!!!! he is cute DO NOT DATE HIM the tension and emotional baggage that comes with this isn’t worth it. Anyways, as I was saying that relationship was a disaster and almost destroyed me. I like to tell myself that was my Karma for breaking the girl code. God ” forgive” that Nincompoop…..  But bless my dear friends heart she forgave me or I hope so I don’t even know. I really hope she has. But she’s been super kind and I can never forget that act. it means a lot to me. so yeah this one is Toxicity on steroids.
  7. Don’t care about feelings: Well not intentionally but I have been given an earful by a friend because she thought I didn’t care about her. And God knows I was grateful for that earful because first of all I got a chance to explain to her why I was acting up(I had just gone through a miscarriage) and she gave me a chance to apologize and now we are cool. But I guess I was toxic depending on who tells the story.
  8. Take more than they give: Well,  If you have elder sisters don’t take from them that’s your business… Me as a baby sister it’s part of my requirements infact its in the “younger sister constitution” that we take and take and take… ( all those errands I run are not for nothing) … so I cannot help but take from my  older sisters….. It comes with the territory. I ain’t toxic joor! “rolls eyes.
  9. Always in some sort of Drama: But that’s what girlfriends are for haba! gosh all the times I’ve called crying about some stupid ex-boyfriend, that evil karashika boss at work or even my parents……. Jeez! these cry episodes, rant episodes, uncountable; thanks to my lovely friends y’all are the M.V.P.s. and since I’m also a shoulder to cry on we can all comfortably share in this intoxication so if I’m toxic then so are we all.
  10. Keep you around solely for their benefit: Dear Jesus, I know many times I have only reached out when I need you and not caring about whether you need me. Thank you for being the ultimate friend. And I know for a fact I am not alone in this boat. “stares judgmentally at everybody”

Basically what I tried to establish with this post is that if you look real hard, you fit the description of a “toxic friend” and so as much as I understand the concept of staying away from toxic people, these social media quotes have a way of making us point fingers at everyone but ourselves. That in my opinion is dangerous and we should all be careful not to become so accusatory we do not see how many times we have all been given second chances by friends and loved ones. So let’s also give people a second chance within the confines of being reasonable oh!

Have a great day everyone. Kisses

 

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