Trying to Conceive and Pregnancy Envy

Sex Education: Don’t get Pregnant or else……

As a young Nigerian girl, that was a constant threat in the back of your mind. It didn’t matter whether or not you were old enough or knew what it took to get pregnant heck, you didn’t even have to know what sex was, you simply knew that getting pregnant was a TABOO.

From the moment you began to see you period; I take that back……from the moment your mates began their monthly cycles, all of you as a group were warned not to get pregnant. In church, school, on the street, in the market, in your Mommys office, at home, everywhere  it was a constant warning from everyone; family, relatives, friends and even strangers. In most Nigerian homes there was no talk about the birds and the bees…. ( bees ke?!… what is that?). The only sex talk you were given as a girl was “don’t get pregnant” and as a boy “don’t get any girl pregnant” you were left to sort out the details. For some homes it went as far as don’t talk to the opposite sex,  don’t touch, don’t even mention the word boy friend or you will get pregnant and if you get pregnant  haaaah!!  your life as you knew it was over.

By the time you had crossed puberty successfully  and were in university the threat evolved a bit. It became don’t have a boy friend until you graduate ( I guess this meant you could now talk to boys…lol!!) if you must have a boyfriend, do not get pregnant or you will be disowned and forced to drop out of school and your life is over. But then if you somehow, by chance,  mistakenly do get pregnant  (maybe by accidentally drinking it inside Fanta… heheheh….) don’t commit an abortion or else you will never have kids again and your life is over .Threats, warnings and more threats.

Fast forward to after university you have successfully graduated and not gotten pregnant ( good girl). You are working and also probably looking to “settle down” ( I don’t like that phrase settle down but it’ll do for now)  the threats and warnings evolve even further. It becomes “Don’t get pregnant oh he wont marry you” and no one will marry a single mother and your life is over… or don’t get pregnant it’ll’ ruin the wedding and you won’t look nice, or don’t get pregnant he won’t respect you bla bla bla…. the threats are endless.

Anyways somehow in this carnal world of ours you successfully do your Nigerian parents proud you don’t get pregnant and disgrace the whoooole family before your wedding. You meet a great guy, you have a big Nigerian traditional and white wedding and now all is set. Then they start with a new set of warnings. Don’t wait oh! get pregnant on your wedding night if you can, there is no time oh!!!….. ( in a Nigerian aunts accent)

And so all this time, there is an unspoken assumption that the moment you are ready to get pregnant all you need do is have that one bout of rambunctious sex and BAAMM!!! Baby on board.


You get confused… this was supposed to be easy, everybody and their neigbours dog is pregnant….. I mean I was supposed to get pregnant just by thinking about it . What happened? All the warnings and threats become another Santa Claus moment because even with all your intellect and knowledge subconsciously you believed what you were told .i.e that you would get pregnant at the drop of a hat.

For a lot of women the story becomes further complicated . All of sudden you start seeing weird acronyms like PCOS, OOS and hearing words like oestrogen, estrogen, fallopian tubes, cervical mucus, fertility window, two week wait, cervix wall, threatened expulsion, threatened abortion, ovulation days, viable eggs, etc you start hearing about drugs like Clomid and Preseed and all what not… Then to your utmost surprise you find out that the egg only survives for 12 hours in a month and you can only get pregnant about in 4 days within 28-30 days in a month. WHAT!?

But then again everywhere you turn someone is either pregnant or just had a baby. How are they doing it? Something is not adding up… Pregnancy envy sets in you are happy for them but at the same time sad… its confusing, its complicated you cannot explain it, you cannot even explain yourself to yourself… everything is everywhere..

Girls with swords

STOP!!!!  PRAY, LISTEN and REMEMBER whose child you are and you will find your answers. I found mine in the bible.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-2  1 There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven—

A time to give birth and a time to die;
A time to plant and a time to uproot what is planted.

Philippians 4:6-7  Be anxious for nothing, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.


For every woman who has known the journey of trying to conceive, I send baby dust your way ( as some would say) ….. sooner that you think your journey will be a lesson you use to help others.    AMEN. 







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