“I am”

The phrase “I am”  has become recognized as a very powerful prefix to the unfolding nature of a persons existence. In this era of information we have become very aware of the power of declaration and so it is not unusual to hear people say things like “speak what you want to be” or ” do not say negative words that will affect your future”.

That being said in recent times I have wallowed in a bit of a funk and so I have had to speak myself into waking up and going to work and even speak myself into being able to participate in the daily musings of my life. It’s no big deal really it’s not like anything dramatic has happened to me its just one of those times when it “seems” like 1+1 =65 {emphasis on seems because it was simply me seeing things through coloured lenses}. So I have decided to remind myself  how “profitable” a person I am to everybody around me so here I go.

I am a profitable Seed.

At the risk of being graphic I must remind me that I came from a place. I began as a sperm and an egg, I began as a seed. I was that sperm that didn’t give up, I was that egg that didn’t disintegrate. Together me as a sperm and me as an egg became one and I became a seed.  I am a viable seed, I did not abort, I did not miscarry . I stayed the course; 40 weeks I stayed. I kicked, I hicked, I pocked and I prodded and when the 40 weeks were over I presented, I laboured and arrived and when I did I was a source of Joy, I was good  and I was pleasant . I was a successful seed. I had gone from embryo to Infant. I had succeeded and made profit.

I am an Answer.

I was not created just for the fun of it, I was needed. My father has told me many times that when I was born a girl he was a bit disappointed {at that time a lot of folks did not check the sex of babies ‘cos it was not certain and it was super expensive} he already had two daughters and being an only son was really keen on having a male child. And so when the nurse brought me to him screaming my lungs off he was upset but she said to him “see her she is beautiful and perfect”

He told me he reluctantly collected me from the nurse and immediately I went silent and squeezed his finger. He said to me ” I heard a voice say to me Margaret Thatcher and the Queen of England are women and they are powerful and they are great “. He said once he heard those words, he knew he was meant to have a girl and that I was a special child. That tells me God needed me to teach my Dad a lesson. I do not know what it was he was taught, or why but I know for a fact I was needed and I had answered a question he had asked God.

I am Outstanding.

I have had to remind myself in recent times that although I may not be have been the first I have always been one of the best . I was not the prettiest girl or the most hardworking.  In secondary school I was not a “happening babe” I would have loved to be but these things do not happen for every one. I was not the neatest and I did not have amazing leadership skills so even though I was a prefect for 10 minutes I was what I may call a 2nd tier prefect.

I was above average academically, I did the hard and unusual subjects like technical drawing and further maths and yeah I did well above average but nothing spectacular. Then one day I became spectacular {to me at least}; I wrote an exam in technical drawing and I was the best and I beat a whole classroom of students boys and girls to be the best in the year. This was the only subject I ever came first in but it settled in my heart the fact that I was outstanding and after that day I knew that even if I forget sometimes I remind my self of this.

I am Chosen.

Everyday {literally}, I ask my husband why he married me sometimes he ignores me and other times he tells me he chose me. I like that a lot. I like that he had options but I was chosen. I like the fact that he wasn’t forced and he wasn’t cajoled he simply chose me.

Thank you for choosing me.

I am loved.

One day…… I can’t quite remember why but I was supposed to go to my in-laws to do something. I had called My mom in-love to say I was coming over and unfortunately I never made it to the house that day. The next morning I overhead my husband talking with his mom and she was telling him I didn’t show up as planned and bla! bla!! bla!!!  just general gist sha….then she said something that brought tears to my eyes.

She said to my husband ” You know your Dad is very fond of her, he was not happy she didn’t come again oh! He was waiting for her”.

I know we live in a time where some In-laws are prayer points and can {rightfully} be regarded as ……… lemme save my words but basically a lot of people have hadit bad with in-laws and some even before meeting them are super biased and maybe you can live without them but I tell you when your in-laws treat you like mine treat me………. It is such a beautiful feeling because they are not family by blood and are not obliged to love you. They can choose to relate with you from a distance but when they envelope you and love you as much as mine do. Gosh! I remember that I am loved and it is a privilege.

Sometimes family chooses you

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9 thoughts on “I Am

  1. Ladyrom, this is a beautiful piece and as Ocy said, waiting for more. Is this the beginning of an autobiography? I can see ur dad’s reflection in ur writing. A chip of the old rock there. Tnx to ur inlaws for living u without reservations. God be praised, amen.

      1. Ladyrom, this is a beautiful piece and as Ocy said, waiting for more. Is this the beginning of an autobiography? I can see ur dad’s reflection in ur writing. A chip of the old rock there. Tnx to ur inlaws for loving u without reservations. God be praised, amen.

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