Family Secrets.

I once read a very interesting article about family secrets and how they were discovered. You can read it here. The stories in this article ranged from extramarital affairs to hidden marriages, from murder to fraud, from stolen children to missing people and unsolved cases.

Secrets create a bond between the people that know them (when more than one person is in on it). I guess that’s why childhood friends always have a certain connection because they usually know stuff that as an adult you may be unwilling to disclose. Secrets between families create tight knit connections, these secrets although unspoken of in public, are the reasons why relatives will tolerate the unbearable antics of a particularly annoying cousin to the utmost dismay of strangers. Secrets are the reason why that “obnoxious” driver is still is some ogas’ employ…get my drift?

Everybody has family secrets it’s no big deal I know that for a fact. For instance, have you ever been having a conversation with friends and you mistakenly let something slip and suddenly you break out in a sweat, your heart is pounding out of its socket, your mind is racing and you are wondering “what are they thinking of my family” …… but then without batting an eyelid one of your friends says “Me too, I thought that only happened in my family” and in your mind you go (Pheew!! that was close). There are also times when you let something slip and immediately everybodys eyes go yuuge!! (in Donald Trumps voice) and then they all start touching their hair, looking at the ceiling, the ground, their shoes, everything but you….awkward silence or giggle…crickets chirping…. sips tea…. in your mind you go “joor oh! we are all weird abeg, it not just me”

There are families with secrets that are just ordinary such as ” some aborted pregnancy or two, jilted aunts, a father with a love child, a sexually perverse uncle…..etc, and then some families have secrets that are fantastically gossip worthy, you know the types that would make for heavily loaded paragraphs in a very tempestuous romantic novel e.g One of the stories I read (after reading this particle article I googled other secrets and the juicy stories…. whoosh) A girl found out he grandfather was actually a stolen baby because her great grandmother had a still born baby and refused to leave the hospital without a baby and so technically she is not even related to her grandmom  (she mistakenly heard this gist from an aunt with a big mouth because according to the gist, it was agreed no one should speak about it ans so I assume the folks are unaware she knows this story and yes she was shook by the story). There are others that have family secrets that are worthy of chapters in a religious expose on the dos an don’ts of family life; secrets that would bring “eternal disgrace” to the family dynasty. Case in point………………….. sips tea…..

From reading that article I’d like to think that it can be safely concluded, that some family secrets are worthy of lie detector tests, Mountain of fire style exorcisms, crime scene investigations, murder inquiries, undercover police programmes, even DNA tests because some family members may not be your family members heck some extended family member could possibly be your missing twin. In my own life, I am aware of some secrets I honestly wish I never knew but then again the fact that me and my sisters or me and a certain friend are the sole custodians of certain secrets makes me feel like I belong (if that makes sense).

Back to my question though, “What secrets am I unaware of that exist in my family? Do I really wanna know? If I knew would it break me? What effect would it have on me and my immediate family? Would I hide things from my own kids? ‘cos right now  I am a “got to the grave with it” kinda girl but I wonder if motherhood will change that.

Every family is weird in their own unique way but are we really in the know of to what depth the uniqueness of our familys weirdness travels?.. I guess it all depends on what the characteristics of the secrets are…. Gosh!!  Now at every family function I’ll be looking at everybody weirdly and wondering what evil they have committed and if they are even related to me at all…

All jokes aside, as an adult I have come to agree strongly with the adage that says “the stomach is not just for food it is also for secrets”. I know it is wrong to tell lies but I also know that every information is not for everybody. Imagine telling a child he is a product of rape or incest? Something he/she may never have known if lips remained sealed …… I know we are in the age were everybody feels the need to be open and share and bla! bla!! bla!!! but our I think parents got it right when they kept mute as regards some things and if the rest of the family is mute I suggest you join the #mutegang and just move on.

Anyways think about your Family Secrets and see if you can access your level of weirdness…. Have a good day.


6 thoughts on “Family Secrets.

  1. The mute gang thing is cool o but imagine your family hiding a supposed secret from you and then wham! you hear it from an outsider…(the devastation is unimaginable). I feel that in as much as there is a need to keep mute about certain things, those who might be adversely affected need to know about these supposed secrets.

    1. I suppose it could be…… there’s no final solution I guess these things are to be handled on a case by case basis. However, I personally think somethings are sometimes better left unsaid or at least till the child is old enough to assess the situation with adult understanding

  2. Hmmmn..Nice article. #mutegang should trend. I don’t know what’s with all the “need to know who I am” or “need to stay true to… Blah blah” trend nowadays. Our Parents got it right o. I dey fear for this generation.

  3. Hmmmmm, u were born in Romford, Essex. U had lots of hair to the awe of the nurses who were used to seeing babies with kwaryan molo heads. 😂😂😂😂😂

  4. I can’t actually remember any big family secret though maybe my parents are still hiding it… Or I was just kept oblivious. Lol.

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