Daddy Series (I) : The Day Daddy wore Bum Shorts

In honour of fathers day that just passed last Sunday, I was inspired to start a Daddy series. My Dad and I over the

Happy Fathers Day

years have had a very turpsy-turvy relationship and many times I have struggled to qualify what exactly my relationship with him is. Recently I came to the conclusion that maybe I had given him a responsibility and role that had been sold to me via books and the media and whilst my father is far from perfect, It is also possible I have unrealistic expectations (everybody tells you not to demand too much of your husband but to be realistic because they are human but nobody tells you the same about your father). Therefore he is my Daddy mistakes and all so I have decided to celebrate him as he is warts and all.  I plan to do a couple of stories about him from my sisters and I and maybe even a few from some friends for their own fathers too I absolutely don’t know how this is going to play out….

Anyways please read and Enjoy Adventures of my Daddy A.K.A Colonel.

This day started particularly bright and gay and all was well with the world until I got to school (primary school) and

Demonic Teacher

I think I didn’t do my home work, so my math teacher proceeded to flog me because of that, which even brings me to a concern I have always had; Why did out teachers (Nigeria) flog us in school for not answering questions we did not know, or for not doing homework?  It has always baffled me because as far as I am concerned it’s the teacher that should be queried for not doing their job of teaching correctly. If they did their jobs, the students would understand their subjects very well and answer the damn questions either in class or via homework.

Besides homework is something you should ask the parents about and not flog the child (they don’t even know the domestic situation of the child)…..Lazy idiots…..anyways I digress….

So this particular day, I hadn’t done my home work and so my Math teacher asked me to stand up in class and say why I had not done it. I couldn’t say zilch. I was scared and speechless, he decided to give me a class work on the black board and asked me to answer the question whilst still standing of course in all that confusion I still froze up (I must add  that I am exceptionally good in math so this was not normal) . Unfortunately  this didn’t show up that day.

The fact of the matter was, I had been ill over the weekend and even had a tiny wound on my arm just below my shoulder where I had received an injection. I was so scared of this teacher it truly didn’t matter that I knew math very well. I was frightened  frozen and so because of my inability to answer the questions, this knuckle headed teacher proceeded to flog me and even flogged me on the shoulder and the injection wound re-opened and started to bleed.

SICK child

He didn’t care what he had done and refused to listen to my explanation so what could I do but cry. Imagine poor 5 year old me (yes I was 5 years old in primary one) being sick and still recovering as you can imagine, then being beaten as well (as an adult now I just don’t understand the wickedness of some people)………… Anyway by the time school was over, my temperature had shot up because I had basically cried my self into a fever and the wound was still bleeding because I wouldn’t stop touching it and by this time it began to fester…. (Need I remind you I was five years old so my reasons for touching the wound continuously don’t count and yes I remember stuff from when I was 5 years old because my memory is like that I just remember stuff).

Soooo, by the time the driver came to get me after school I was ill again, my eyes were super swollen from all the crying, my fever had returned, I had become weak and lacked appetite as I had not eaten all day, I was cold, sweating and my shoulder wound had swollen up so badly it was just an eyesore. I got home and of course went straight to bed no appetite, no energy just plop into bed.

Daddy returned from work expecting to either see me downstairs with my baby sister or outside as usual but nahhhh I was fast asleep (that only happened if I had done something wrong). I woke up the moment he entered the house and I heard his voice but I didn’t get up to go greet him, I can’t forget that house in Rumumasi Portharcourt, I remember exactly how the house looked so I can imagine him walking into an empty house (my older sisters had entered secondary school so they didn’t get home till much later with my Mom).

I remember hearing him ask in my native tongue “Lady be?” meaning where is Lady? (Yes I am called Ladyromford at home or Lady for short) and the help said I was in bed and that I had refused to eat bla bla bal…. The doctor in him must have quickly recognized that all was not well and I heard him climb up the stairs, open the room door, walk in check my temperature and ask gently “Lady k’adanu, Iye k’wo be?” (Daddys’ Lady, how are u feeling ?) I immediately start crying and just spew out all that played out in class… I notice him go very quiet and ask a few questions for clarity and I remember vividly the last question he asked was “What is the teachers name?” and I answered “Uncle Kobo” (weird name plus we called all our teachers Aunty and Uncle). He gave me some medication, insisted I ate some food left me to rest. As far as I was concerned all that was over.

The next morning feeling a lot better, I was back in school (Naija parents do not play with school oh!!). There I was standing in the assembly line and the next thing all my classmates were giggling and calling out my name and pointing in a direction I look up and who do I see matching furiously across the assembly line making a beeline for the headteachers office?  DADDY! in Bum Shorts!!  

What Can I Say?

Now my dad is a dark skinned man facially but his body, is yellow not fair oh! “bright yellow”  … I think he was supposed to be a light skinned person but something did not quite finish forming when he was in the womb. I also look like him so much, only a blind man won’t know that’s my dad (even my huge butt is from him) that being said, I couldn’t even pretend like that handsome man wearing shorts and matching across the assembly was not familiar to me. I was worried and curious at the same time because in my little mind, “What on Gods Green earth is Daddy doing in my school?” However, he didn’t stop to talk to anyone or even look in our direction he just matched past us furiously. The killer thing for me was the fact that he was wearing this ridiculously tiny,blue, bum shorts he usually wore around the house chai! (his legs in all their yellow freshness were on display for all to see), I wanted the ground to open and swallow me. All my classmates did not hesitate to giggle and say my daddy was wearing “short knicker” and his leg was yellow. I was horrified.

The next thing I hear is raised voices ……let me correct that a raised voice bellowing from the head teachers office and I knew the sound of that voice like the back of my hand. Daddy was yelling at somebody…. continuously….. for a long time….. OMG!!

A few minutes after the shouting began, I heard my name announced at the assembly,”my presence was needed at the head teachers office”. Uncle kobo was brought into the office shortly after that……… I won’t bore you with details anymore I am sure you have an idea what transpired. Let me just say I left that office with my shoulders touching the sky I was soo proud I could’ve died of pride lol!!


I was taken home from there apparently Daddy felt I was still to ill for school but still let me go in the morning to make a point and on my way home I got a lollipop from “spot one’ shopping centre in Rumuola…

After that day I am sure a lot of teachers thought twice before flogging anybody especially me…. hehehe

So yeah that was what happened the day my daddy wore his bum shorts to my school….

Thank you Daddy

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